SoLongPTA Empty Nest Blog

also known as

“IT’S A WHOLE NEW WORLD”

Did you hear the explosion? Either Pinterest graduation boards blew up again, or another mother’s last nerve was hit.

Can you smell the fear? CHANGE is in the air. Traditional school years are coming to an end, and we’re facing unknown territories. 

It’s no man’s land. . . no mom’s land.

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RESEARCH SHOWS
There Are 3 Official Mom Camps

  • CAMP ONE: “Can my kid please stay a few more years in school and take a victory lap?  I know this stuff.  I’m good at this stuff, I AM THIS STUFF and bake sales are my ‘thang dawg”. (sorry)
  • CAMP TWO: For whatever reason, your nest will not be emptying.  That’s ok.  Stay here, we need each other!  And RESPECT.  Shout-outs to you.
  • CAMP THREE: Hugs.  Goodbyes. Tears.  A quick laundry lesson. Tears. . .And “NOW WHAT?”

SIDE NOTE:

  • CAMP ONE: Bless!  You were undoubtedly the rockin-est Mom that took up all the slack for us C+ School-Moms, so we thank you!   But Ariana had it right: “thank u, next.” (It’s a hip song, I had to Google it).
  • CAMP TWO: Double Bless.
  • CAMP THREE: Reality and Aging both bite. . . And yes, both have just bitten.
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GRADUATION COPING SKILLS 101

    • Relish The Sweet School Memories
      Close your eyes and picture yourself running to Walgreens at 10pm for a tri-fold poster board and yarn.  Or the nights with the last-minute “My Favorite Person In History” and please come in full costume tomorrow projects? You don’t have to do that again. EVAH.  Sweet feeling isn’t it?

       

    • Kiss the Bitter Stuff Goodbye
      Still remember the phone call you got from the Principal?  Yes, the lump in your throat will eventually disappear, along with the memory of the Pink Slip and driving your student to Saturday Detention.  It will be funny one day.  Just wait long enough.  You too will want a bumper-sticker announcing: “PROUD MOM OF A BREAKFAST CLUB STUDENT”.

FUN FACT #55:

Get Ready For Your Special Little Gift

Is your teen or YA a tad (more) cranky?  Their disrespectful grunts and eye-rolls on steroids? YES!!  This is your graduation gift from God.  When they hit that very, very last nerve, you will finally feel ready for their departure.

But wait, there is more! It’s a gift that keeps on giving.  Wait for this gift again near the end of each holiday visit or summer vacations spent at home.  Embrace it.  Own it.  You will learn to appreciate it.

(If either of my kids is reading this, writing for a friend.)

We Are Here, But Where Is Here?

We’re now facing a pretty big VOID.  Remember the life that revolved around the Official School Calendar?  It’s gone.  It’s over. It’s a whole new world.

If you’re singing along with Princess Jasmin and me right now, you are my people.

*NOTE: girl in photo is not me (she’s way cuter).

**NOTHER NOTE: dog in photo is not my Harrison (Harrison is way cuter, just sayin, my opinion).

"Now What?"

Is it just me, or does “Now What?” send you straight to a drive-thru for comfort tacos?  Those 2 words are pretty scary.  They actually rank just under “I Do!” and “Two Lines!”  They all start with happiness & rainbows, followed by a dry throat and a need for sugar.

DIFFERENT PANIC ATTACKS:

SAME QUESTIONS

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  • “I don’t know how to do any of this!”
  • “Where’s the manual?”
  • “Where’s my mom?”
  • “Where’s my comfort-zone?”
  • “And for the love, where’s my Diet Mr. Pibb?”

Somehow we managed.  OBVI. We inhaled the pages of oversized-shoulder pads in BRIDES Magazine and devoured every parenting tip from What To Expect When Your Expecting.  But what was the secret sauce?  

(hello Brooke, love those shoulder pads!)

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“What made it work?”

It certainly wasn’t Chapter 13, “You Can Get A Newborn To Sleep Through Its First Night”  (palease! You have to be trying not to pee-laugh right now).

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I had the 1st Edition and now they’re up to the 98th Edition? 

98th edition ...JOKING this is from the 4th edition...(What to Expect When Your Expecting) incorporates the most recent developments in obstetrics and addresses the most current lifestyle trends (from tattooing and belly piercing to Botox and aromatherapy). There's more than ever on pregnancy matters practical (including an expanded section on workplace concerns), physical (with more symptoms, more solutions), emotional (more advice on riding the mood roller coaster), nutritional (from low-carb to vegan, from junk food-dependent to caffeine-addicted), and sexual (what's hot and what's not in pregnant lovemaking), as well as much more support for that very important partner in parenting, the dad-to-be. Overflowing with tips, helpful hints, and humor (a pregnant woman's best friend), this new edition is more accessible and easier to use than ever before. It's everything parents-to-be have come to expect from What to Expect...only better.

-What To Expect When You're Expecting

“Humor?”,  and I thought french vanilla ice cream with ketchup was a pregnant woman’s best friend, but I divert again…. I need a Diet Mr. Pibb.

SECRET SAUCE

So who taught you what the manuals left out?

Your TRIBE.    Let it sink in.

It could have been a tiny cozy little tribe or a Red Tent size tribe. But you had one and that little handholding made all the difference.  Bridesmaids, girlfriends, birthing coaches…

NOW YOU HAVE THE WILDERNEST TRIBE

Incase you’re not wearing a Captain Obvious Cape, here’s the 411…

  1. Wilderness”: It’s unknown and let’s face it, plain scary.  It also conjures up those cool boho gals throwing hands up, tops off and saying “yes” to the possibilities that lie ahead!   *Only the JEEP top comes off, sistas!                                                                                     
  2. “NEST”: I’ve endured the name “Robin” for LV years (55 in Roman numerals and my favorite, sweet Louis Vuitton initials).  I’m finally going to own it and all the other bird-related words.

      *And for all you gals with incredibly timeless, enchanting names; I love you all and I’m certain you have perfect Marsha Brady hair and have no idea what acne is, so please bear with me and my ROBINisms.

HOUSE KEEPING NOTE:

Some words just don’t work for me and we’re going to avoid them like we avoid the survey-takers at the mall.

Demi & I both agree; “Sorry Not Sorry.” (#hip-song still?)

  1. Empty Nester (working on a replacement)
  2. Retirement
  3. Downsizing

These words do not inspire nor match my vision for “this midlife chapter” (ouch another one).

Here are some extra-point words.   May Alexa and Suri get tired of hearing these:

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AND BEST OF ALL. . . We’re going to do this TOGETHER.

"And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together."     

-Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten.
SoLongPTA Empty Nest Blog

So clear off your Pinterest boards, breathe in the sweet smell of change, and pat yourselves on the back for all the satisfaction in your rearview.

And as Mr. Fulghum encourages:  Let’s grab hands and get ready for the adventures no PTA mom had the time or energy to do!

SoLongPTA Empty Nest Blog

 I.  The sweet school memories make adorable scrapbooks, but  the rough stuff make the juicy stories.  Balance.  Embrace them    all.  When it’s been enough time, you’ll be eager to share.      

 II.  This new chapter brings a chance to REINVENT YOURSELF!  Time to be bold and use our outside voices.  We’re doing this  together.  No Mom left behind.        

 III.  God made them all:  Crabby Teens, Pinterest Mind-Overload  and Wine.  

 Let us be thankful.

 LoVe,
 Robin